it started with a pint.

[grauwulf]

So Jimmy carted me down to some old haunts last weekend. I was being good and sticking with killians, not wanting to get smashed. Then it happened, I was stupid and mixed in liquer. bad bad bad bad idea. Then I made a complete and total udder ass out of myself. Jimmy, bless his soul, has got to be the most patient and understanding friend a person could ever wish for. If you've ever been around be after a beer or more you know I'm ether spazzy-happy or psycho-depressed. Even after two hours of listening to drunk babble of how I'm sorry for global warming and starting the holocost, he still left me with a smile.

About once every two years or so I do this, get absolutly sluced and remind myself how much I dont like myself when I drink. I loose control over all of the tightly wrapped parts of my past that 'need' to remain tightly wrapped. But through it all I woke up feeling like I had let somthing go. I'm not exactlly sure what it was, but I feel like a piece of my baggage has been removed. I spent alot of time thinking yesterday, alot of time looking inside. It was the first time in a long while when I felt like I could just be quiet with myself and let my mind go. It was a very good thing. Yesterday was a good day.

In other news I did manage to avoid smoking a real cigerette. (did have a clove and a half) so that was like three weeks of no smoking. I think that it's beat at this point, and I am much happy for this.

pax,
-Mel

pour out your dreams
in a bottle of memories
empty the cup
chase the drop and fear the draught
amber nightmares pull
awake and afraid of moving on
asleep and angry that the move is made
shutter flicker of thought snaps closed
spoke the words to the wrong person
but the ritual is complete
be at piece
remember in joy
it was a hell of a ride