grauwulf

Good morning to the internet! Dreamwidth recently reset my password for me and reminded me that I could actually write something here instead of just occasionally checking in on thanate. Stranger things have happened. So, what's the situation? It looks like it has been 9 years since I wrote anything here and even then I had tapered off on writing. Let's just call it an even 10 years.

A Lot Has Happened In The Last Ten Years.

The big one though is that there is now a seven-year-old child. Everything else is kind of 'meh' compared to that one. Looking over my last posts here it seems that I was mostly talking about school things so I should probably update on that. I FINISHED MY ASSOCIATE DEGREE! Then I finished my Bachelor's. Then I got an under-grad certificate. Then I got a Masters. Then I got a 4.0 on my doctorial course work. Then I got scooped. Then I got a new chair. Then I got a new advisor. Then I quit and didn't defend my dissertation.

Part of me is really sad and angry about that. I put in so much hard work and then ... bah ... I was aiming for an A.A. and ended up with a M.Sc. Sometimes you just have to accept your failures and move on. There are more important things.

Around the time I 'finished' school we were also starting to see some figurative cracks in my psychological walls. There have been several rounds of medications. There have been therapists (though I should be making better use of them on the whole - and by better use, I mean actually going to see them). The diagnosis was pretty clear... I'm screwed up in the head. Luckily, I finally landed on a set of meds that seem to work. I take two things a day (ha. more on that in a moment) and have a backup in case of bad panic attacks.

Panic attacks. Geeze oh yikes but I didn't see that one coming. Panic attacks suuuuuuuuuck. I don't know if you've ever experienced a real, honest to goodness, panic attack but my recommendation is that you don't. There are also the low grade, brain-just-will-not-work, days where things would be fine if I could... if I could.... wait... what was I saying? Huh. Anyway: Panic attacks. Geeze oh yikes but I didn't see that one coming. Panic attacks suuuuuuu.... yeah it's kind of like that.

Jimbers, there is also this little human living in our house.

The therapist I had that was amazing and wonderful and all things happy pointed out that there are some 'trigger' things and wouldn't you know it? They Are Everywhere. They are, however, a lot easier to deal with if I remember to take my meds every day. Every. Damn. Day. EVERY. DAMN. DAY. If I miss 1 day... meh. 2 days? I'll probably be a little 'off'. 3+ days? Bipolar mood swings all over the damn place. Meds. EVERY. DAMN. DAY.

The big downside is that it is actually thanate that ends up feeling the effects most directly. She has been wonderful and supportive. She has been kind and caring. She has been my rock ... 'Still waters run deep'
but I know they are not bottomless. I am thankful for every day she gives me.

Let's get off of the depressive kick. What else?

The SCA kind of went away and wasn't a thing while I was in school. Then about 2 years ago it came back and HOT DAMN did I jump back in. This is good and this is bad. I really do love the people, well - most of the people. I just don't know if I was really up to taking on a Kingdom office. I don't think anyone can argue with my "I'm back!" declarations.

Did I mention that we have a 7 year old?

You may notice that I haven't really said much about the spawn other than OMG THERE IS THIS OTHER LITTLE HUMAN! You would be right. There are a few different aspects to this. Part of it is that the little person is their own little person and should have a degree of privacy. There is also a part of that story that is just the day to day simplicity of life and growing up. The kid is an amazing little beasty that I love dearly. It would be nice if she cleaned her room though.

Her mother is doing an amazing job with her. I try, but most days it's a 'mom show' & I'm just trying to be the best supporting actor that I can.

So, there we are, ten years on. thanate has been a wonderful and supportive spouse. The child is VIOLENTLY seven... I've had stuff going on.

The End. Until next time.

first off I'm only posting through dreamwidth now. :-( sorry LJ.

second. I have the google+ and the facebook and the twitter, and far too much to do so my writing has drifted off. I have, however, been spinning out one off short-shorts at lunch. So I'll post one of those now and again to remind you I'm still alive.

Hope you are all doing well!

On Spetember 21st 1897 8 year old Virginia O'Hanlon wrote a letter to the editor of the New York SUN. The response of Francis Church has since come to be one of the most inspiring and reprinted newspaper editorials in history.

text copied from http://www.newseum.org/yesvirginia/

"DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old. "Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. "Papa says, 'If you see it in THE SUN it's so.' "Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?

"VIRGINIA O'HANLON. "115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET."

VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

the width of a dream can be measured by the elation of hope growing in the thought of it. always dream always grow and one morning when the dream is ended discover the shade tree of a dream grown tall strong and majestic. the dream could be now. it could be. all the possibilities of the infinite tomorrow unfolding between before the sleepers eye. all the mystery of us wrapped up inside ourselves, desperately reaching toward the moon light for a chance to take hold, grow strong, and finally at the end of our lives slumber erupt into a shower of fond memories and the dappled comfort of October sky fall. a thousand dandelion seeds of us drifting softly down to settle upon the fertile earth of the drifting mind. only a fleeting memory and tiny tears of sand to remind us of when we could fly.

I got it under control:

making the just from LJ to DW, we'll see what we see but it looks like a good idea if nothing else.

http://www.honfest.net/ apparently this is a required attendance event if you're new to the area. Having been referred to as "a local cultural immersion" it seems like it could be a big old ball of pink flamingo good time. If pink flamingos are your thing, apparently if you live in Baltimore you don't have a choice. *shrug*

as they say, the higher the hair the closer to god.

we will see what else comes of it but I'm making the first steps on a longer journey. Tighter code, deeper understanding, and your email await. It's a small first step, but a step none the less.

TSA Officer: A beloved name from the blogosphere.
Bruce Schneier: And I always thought that I slipped through these lines anonymously.
TSA Officer: Don't worry. No one will notice. This isn't the sort of job that rewards competence, you know.

yeah, I lol'd